The breakfast cereal anti-wank conspiracy
I knew I was right. I always had this feeling, deep down, but never had the evidence to prove it. Until now. But now I do and I want to share it with you.
Breakfast is evil, the most evil meal of the day, and those of you who indulge in it are surely in league with Beelzebub. I mean, come on. Who in their right mind is together enough to eat food first thing in the morning? With the memories of last night's lager/kebab/nice cup of peppermint tea still lingering on the tongue? That sick feeling in the pit of the stomach? The bad breath and furry teeth? This makes you people hungry? It's sick. Sick and evil. I offer you exhibit A: Dr John Harvey Kellogg.
It turns out that, as well as inventing the world's most popular (probably) breakfast cereal, John Kellogg (1852 - 1943) was also a hard-right conservative christian and anti-wank campaigner. Yes, it's true - the very chap who invented your daily vitamin B6 & semi-skimmed milk fix was a man that thought it was a terrible sin for you to touch yourself on the wing-wang. Yes, even if you had a bit of a stiffy and were really up for it!
Surely it is no coincidence that the wholesome foodstuff he invented was designed to be eaten first thing in the morning. Think about it people.
Breakfast is evil, the most evil meal of the day, and those of you who indulge in it are surely in league with Beelzebub. I mean, come on. Who in their right mind is together enough to eat food first thing in the morning? With the memories of last night's lager/kebab/nice cup of peppermint tea still lingering on the tongue? That sick feeling in the pit of the stomach? The bad breath and furry teeth? This makes you people hungry? It's sick. Sick and evil. I offer you exhibit A: Dr John Harvey Kellogg.
It turns out that, as well as inventing the world's most popular (probably) breakfast cereal, John Kellogg (1852 - 1943) was also a hard-right conservative christian and anti-wank campaigner. Yes, it's true - the very chap who invented your daily vitamin B6 & semi-skimmed milk fix was a man that thought it was a terrible sin for you to touch yourself on the wing-wang. Yes, even if you had a bit of a stiffy and were really up for it!
Surely it is no coincidence that the wholesome foodstuff he invented was designed to be eaten first thing in the morning. Think about it people.
posted by George Boole at 10:11 PM
1 Comments:
Yes, truly it must be that the concept of waking up to eat something in the morning is in fact a massive right-wing religious conspiracy against freedom.
Or perhaps he managed to have multiple ideas in his head at one time (something I myself have not yet perfected, but I am working on it) and the two things are not related at all!!!
Food for thought!!!
But not in the morning!!!
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